Male Pattern Baldness is no longer a taboo topic, thanks greatly to a number of men in white.
Approaching the thirty-year anniversary of the first recorded wig worn in a competitive cricket match, a leading Australian hair rejuvenation company is celebrating their three-decade-long association with the sport by selecting their all-time best previously bald XI.
“We’re proud of the way trail blazers like Mo (Greg Matthews) and Goochy (Graeme Gooch) de-stigmatised the affliction of male pattern baldness” said company spokesperson Matt Head.
The team has a combined total of 1075 test matches between them, and would fare well against any of the more follicularly blessed teams you put together.
“Some good wigs have missed out… We were pulling our hair out over a couple of spots in the team” said hairman of selectors Reece Eading.
The full team in oder can be found below.
1 - Graham Gooch – A highest test score of 333 and previous hairline more suited to the work of 666.
2 - Virender Sehwag – A breath of fresh hair in the top order. Destructive against the new ball.
3 - Ricky Ponting – The complete player. Uncompromising with bat in hand, and mat on head.
4 - Michael Vaughan – An ashes victory as captain, test batting average of 44, and hair hatting average of one not out.
5 - Jacques Kallis – While some argue the great Sir Garfield Sobers is the best ever all-rounder, Kallis, with 13,000+ runs, 292 wickets gets our vote. Sobers, aged 81 still has a full head of hair we had to factor in.
6 - Gautam Gambhir - Known as an opener, but we’ve elected to put the feisty, follicular-challenged Indian at six.
7 - Sourav Ganguly – A test batting average of 42, but his crowning glory was the time he spent as his nation’s captain.
8 - Shane Warne – 708 test wickets at an average of 25.41. What more can you say about The Spin King, Sheik of Tweak and Prince of the Persian Rug.
9 - Brett Lee* - Yet to formally admit to taking restorative action, Brett’s deliveries were regularly clocked at 150kmph and that reeks of a man with abnormal amounts of testosterone…
10 - Doug Bollinger – A bowling average of 30 pre-transplant, and 25 after. This man blonde-tipp-ifies persistence.
11 - Greg Matthews – Mo, as he’s affectionately known, was a trailblazer in this space. He troubled many batsmen with his right arm off-breaks, and just as many hairdressers with his head high nude ones.