The title race is now officially as over as this year’s Ashes, with the chances of anyone putting together the kind of run that would be needed to catch City, about as likely as England winning three tests in a row: ie. Fuck all. Premier League defences look about as scared of Manchester City’s rampaging strikers, as the English tail does of Australia’s express fast-bowlers. Nevertheless, in the same way, as the Ashes needs to be finished, so too does the Premier League, here is how the next two sets of fixtures will go down.
Burnley vs Stoke
Burnley continues to get closer to the magical 40-point mark, a remarkable achievement for a club of their size, and I see them getting another battling 1-0 win against a Stoke side that has flattered to deceive this season.
Crystal Palace vs Watford
Credit, where credit is due, Roy Hodgson has significantly improved Palace, since he took on mission impossible back in October: optimistic Palace fans may even believe that relegation isn’t inevitable. However, Watford are also doing very well this season and it is difficult to see Palace beating them, despite their improvement, thus the game will end 2-2.
Huddersfield vs Chelsea
Little London clubs have really hurt Chelsea’s title chances this season, although City looks so bloody good, I'm not sure that it would have made a difference anyway. Still luckily for us, the rest of the challengers are as incompetent as we are, with nobody else winning at the weekend. I personally still believe that we are the second-best team in the league and we will beat Huddersfield 2-0.
Newcastle vs Everton
Big Sam, did a job against Liverpool, and everyone now knows that Everton definitely won’t go down (because Big Sam never gets relegated). Thus, it’s just a matter of time until the Everton fans get sick and tired of the ugly football, before the honeymoon period ends. However, this doesn’t mean that they won’t beat Newcastle, who are about as average as a team can get in the Premier League: 2-1 Everton.
Southampton vs Leicester
Leicester is a team reborn and have quietly gone from the relegation zone to eight under the inspired leadership of Claude Puel. He faces off against his old club and he must be delighted to see them doing worse than him, after his unjust sacking in the summer. I reckon Leicester delight their new manager and spring a 2-1 surprise win.
Swansea vs Manchester City
In normal years this would be the classic banana skin game: coming off a big win against their biggest rivals, City would take their foot off the accelerator and lose silly points. However, they don’t do that anymore, so they will probably win 5-0.
Liverpool vs West Brom
Salah joins the extensive list of former Chelsea players that we now regret selling. With his sensational form, he fully deserves the player of the month trophy that will surely be coming his way. However, Liverpool still flatters to deceive, dropping too many points, however they will surely beat West Brom: 3-0 Liverpool.
Man United vs Bournemouth
It’s all over: Mourinho knows it, the Man United fans know it and so does everyone else, though it must really sting for Guardiola to do it in their own stadium. Bournemouth will be the unlucky team to feel their rather pointless wrath at this state of affairs: with 4-1 being the most likely result.
Tottenham vs Brighton
Spurs will win this one comfortably as much as it pains me to say it, with the most likely result being 4-0 to Tottenham.
West Ham vs Arsenal
Fucking West Ham, look shit all season, before turning Chelsea over: typical little London club, ruining everyone else’s chances of winning things. While Arsenal needed a late goal to steal a draw against Southampton: I would like to think that West Ham will repeat their defiance against Arsenal, but I am sure they will go back to rolling over with their tail between their legs: 3-1 Arsenal.