Everyone’s favourite failed AFL expansion side, the Gold Coast Suns, can’t get it right.
From recruiting flops, to off field incidents, the little master’s return to Torquay, and Tom Lynch saying "Sayonara", the list of things the Suns have against them is as big as a Karmichael Hunt thigh. But it’s not their fault says one high profile AFL executive.
“They have a unique set of challenges up there that the Victorian clubs don’t.”
If, like me, your thinking their primary issue is being located in a rugby heartland, you’d be wrong. It also has nothing to do with their complete lack of culture.
“It’s the climate. You’re dealing with young, testosterone filled men… so they’re performing, but not during the two hours on game day” said a former player who has asked that his privacy be protected.
Apparently, the warmer weather inspires putting your "body on the line" and improving ones "work in close", but the trouble the Suns are having is that none of that relates to on the field. It's all after dark.
It's an issue the teams located in a cooler climate, like Melbourne and Geelong, don't encounter, so they have a much easier time keeping their players "heads in the game”, explained Bart Buchan, a high performance manager from the AIS-FS (Australian Institute of Sexually Frustrated Sportsman).
“It makes sense if you think about it… Geelong’s freezing. After a day training in single figure temperatures, all those guys want to do is go home, have a long hot shower, and go to bed.”
“Meanwhile, the Sun’s players are strutting down Cavill Ave in singlets, hoping someone of the fairer gender will recognise them.”
Former Captain, Lynch, backed up the findings saying "it's a real problem", admitting he "might've done more" rehab had he been in Victoria.
"I got stuck doing beach weights all the time, so I'm probably a bit top heavy. We all skip leg day, so no wonder my knee has struggled".
So while the issue of getting the Gold Coast up (on field) is much more complex than the AFL might’ve first thought, those who’ve campaigned for a team in Tasmania must certainly be thrilled with this development.
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