Arsenal is the gift that keeps on giving: we are all used to spineless performances from them, but losing 4-0 to Liverpool is really finding a new low. Wenger would most likely have been sacked by every other club in the league, a long time ago: yet the Arsenal board seem unable to see what is right in front of them. In other news: Chelsea, were rejected by some average English players; Shrek managed to get caught drink-driving; Swansea managed to loan the wonderkid that everyone wanted to pay £50 million for last summer; and Man City get as much added time as they need to score. Here is how the next round of games will go down.
Manchester City vs Liverpool
It’s rare that a Liverpool win makes me smile: but sticking four past Arsenal was enough to put a small one on my face. Unfortunately, they are starting to look good and stealing Chamberlain from under Chelsea’s noses will have done nothing to dampen their spirits. I personally think that they are a 20+ goal a season striker and a commanding centre back away from the title, but Klopp certainly has them going in the right direction. City on the other hand, looks lacklustre: Guardiola ‘the best manager in the world’ has spent over £300 million on players in the last two years and they still needed 8 minutes of added time to beat Bournemouth at home. You get the feeling that another manager would be feeling a lot of heat, but Pep is a bit like Arsene Wenger and is let off the hook by most pundits. Since neither team can defend, you have to think that this game will have a lot of goals in it and I am going for a slightly crazy 4-3 Liverpool.
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Arsenal vs Bournemouth
Well that was quick, three games in and Arsenal’s season is already over: a new record even by Wenger’s low standards. Not only were they absolutely humiliated by Liverpool, they also managed to sell them their third best player and fail to bring a replacement in. The Wenger out brigade will be protesting for the first time this season and you can be sure that there will be a poisonous atmosphere in the Emirates. Combine that with the fact that none of Arsenal’s players can handle pressure and you have the perfect recipe for an upset. I reckon Bournemouth will manage to get a 2-2 draw and Arsenal exit to another chorus of boos, while everyone else is singing: we want you to stay, we want you to stay, Arsene Wenger, we want you to stay.
Brighton vs West Brom
West Brom is fifth, one goal conceded and three goals scored: they certainly won’t win any style points, but I don’t imagine that they will particularly care. Though, I certainly won’t be spending my Saturdays watching them... watching paint drying or even shopping with the missus seems more appealing! Brighton on the other hand, seems to be in serious trouble and look like relegation certainties, having lost every game so far. I reckon this one has 1-0 to West Brom written all over it.
Spurs vs Everton
Will Tottenham’s Wembley hoodoo continue? I certainly hope so and the fact that they are unable to win at the national stadium brings a warm, fuzzy feeling to my heart. Their arrogant fans continually claim that they have been the best team in England over the last two years, despite the rather embarrassing fact that even Arsenal has won more than them during that time. Everton, looked a bit bereft of ideas against Chelsea, but still present a tricky proposition, especially with Rooney’s Wembley goal scoring habit. I reckon this one will be a tight game, with Everton managing to get a 1-1 draw, thanks to Shrek (although don’t expect him to drive back from the game, given his misdemeanours this week)!
Leicester vs Chelsea
Chelsea seems to be intent on buying all of Leicester’s players, with Drinkwater signed on deadline day and persistent rumours linking us to Mahrez and Vardy (although the whole world seems to be having fun rejecting us at the moment). Our deadline day was pretty shambolic, given that both Chamberlain and Barkley rejected us; still we look pretty good on the pitch and the return of Hazard, means that we will definitely have enough to deal with Leicester: 2-0 Chelsea.
Southampton vs Watford
Two teams that have started the season relatively well, although neither is pulling up any trees: both sit on 5 points having played some pretty football, but having also drawn too many games. That is precisely what they will do here with the most likely result being 1-1.
Stoke vs Manchester Untied
The first real test of United’s resurgence, Stoke are defensively solid and hard to beat at home (just ask Arsenal, lol). Yet United do look pretty good at the moment: 10 goals scored and none conceded has everyone piling their money on United to win the league. Games after the international break are famous for tripping teams up: I reckon that Stoke will pinch a point late on 1-1. Then we can all enjoy the special one doing what he does best and complaining about how everyone hates him.
Burnley vs Palace
De Boer and Bilic seem to be locked in a battle for who can get sacked the quickest and both are doing a spectacular job with 0 points from 3 games. The fact that De Boer is already under pressure so early, is pretty ominous for Palace’s season and they look set for another relegation scrap. Whereas plucky, little Burnley continue to do well and seem to hate London clubs (see Tottenham last week and Chelsea on the first day). I think Burnley will do Palace 2-0 and De Boer will be heading to the exit door come Monday morning.
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Swansea vs Newcastle
Newcastle’s detested owner Mike Ashley didn’t give Rafa any money to spend on deadline day, which has quite justifiably pissed off the Spaniard (and the rumours in England say he is interested in the West Ham job should Bilic get the chop). Whereas Paul Clement pulled off the signing of the summer: persuading 19-year-old wonderkid Renato Sanches to swap Munich for Swansea (if you have anything to sell, call him: he could sell ice to an Inuit!) Everyone in Wales will be partying and all the Geordies will be depressed (as usual), so I reckon Swansea wins 2-0.
West Ham vs Huddersfield
Thankfully we have the Champions League to look forward to on Tuesday and Wednesday, because this game won’t be particularly interesting. West Ham is an absolute shambles (lol) and sit bottom of the table with no points: Bilic will get sacked soon. Whereas Huddersfield is flying high: third having not conceded a single goal. The West Ham fans, who deserve everything they get, for chasing Big Sam out of the club because he played bad football, will be livid if they drop any more points. I fancy Huddersfield to manage a draw, 1-1, heaping more pressure onto Bilic’s shoulders.