The first Tuesday in November is upon us! Aside from being one of the great days on the calendar, it's fraught with traps and treacherous-ness and the ‘SportChamps Saints’ have all the tips to get you through the big day:
9.30PM Monday Night - “We’ll have another round, will we?”
DON’T! Actual science suggests having a skinful the night before reduces your chances of a cracking Cup Day by a massive 257%. Grab a Powerade, buy the Mrs some flowers on the way home and get in the good books before your inevitable demise tomorrow.
8.30AM Tuesday - “I’ll beat the crowds and whip down to the tote now to put my bets on.”
DON’T! You’ll be wading through a sea of stained trackpant wearing chain smokers and cretins who are cheering home the first at Yonkers. Save your legs and load up the SportChamps account instead!
Enter our $20,000 ‘Four Days of Flemington’ racing tournament. The leader is in a very "gettable" position after Derby Day.
10.30AM Tuesday - “Yeah let’s just grab an uber to the track, the train will be packed.”
DON’T! You’ll be slapped in the face with 5.8x surge pricing and you’ll spend so much time on the Bolte Bridge that you’ll want to throw yourself off it! Take the train.
1PM Tuesday - “Yeah mate I’ll grab the next round but I’ll wait until a few minutes after this race and I’ll go to that bar down on the lawn there in GA”
DON’T! You know better than that. Make a quick dash to a quieter bar around the back just before race time to avoid standing in line until the next.
4PM Tuesday - “Oh mate, I just can’t see Hughy Bowman winning another Group 1, he’s won too many this year.”
DON’T! See below Melbourne Cup preview!
6PM - “Yeah mate, we’ll just walk up the road to the nearest pub, we don’t even look that bad - they’ll be sure to let us in.”
DON’T! The 7ft tall Samoan bouncer absolutely dreads this one day on the calendar and has seen enough inebriated dickheads for one day so what makes you think you’re any different?
10PM - “Shit mate, I hope this cover band plays Summer of 69. I reckon I know every word”
DON’T! You’ve committed enough crimes today without doing Bryan Adams the injustice of sounding like an underqualified European stayer who’s finished last after pulling up with a cough.
MIDNIGHT: ‘G’day mate, I’ll have a mixed kebab please, extra garlic sauce”
DON’T! Actually, screw it, you’ve stuffed up everything all day and you deserve this little piece of delicious glory before trudging home to cop a mother of an ear bashing from the Mrs!
Now, here’s my thoughts on the Melbourne Cup - hopefully we’ll be riding home in a BMW and not a BMX!
English raider MARMELO is the top pick in the big one with superstar Hugh Bowman aboard. An astute recent purchase by Australian connections, this bloke comes with the best formlines of any of the Europeans by winning the French G2 Prix Kergolay back in August. Previous Melbourne Cup winners Americain and Protectionist both won this race before saluting in the cup. His run in the Caulfield Cup suggested he’s absolutely screaming for the 3200m cup trip. Still at a very backable each way price, he’s a good bet.
RED CARDINAL was disappointing in the same lead-up race but is a Group 1 winner at the trip and word out of Werribee suggests he’s working the house down out there.
ALMANDIN has to be considered as he’ll be trained to the minute. Whilst looking slightly flat in the Bart Cummings, you get the feeling it’s all part of the plan for Team Williams.
BIG DUKE probably lacks the class to win a cup but is a tough stayer who can figure in the finish given the right run.
Punt Responsibly, Champs!